Now, I checked on my daughter's room when I was dropping off her laundry and in her knickers drawer was this purple device! I was absolutely shocked!!!! Even my hubby and I don't have one of these- and here it is in my little angel's room! Can you imagine?
I don't know even how or if I should confront her- what should I do? I mean how did she get it? We live nowhere near an Ann Summers?
Any advice please? I don't want to embarass her?Mums of teenagers? Advice please?
Why have hubby confront son when you won't confront daughter? DOn't you think your son was embarrased also?Mums of teenagers? Advice please?
First of all how would she get her hands on something like that, around here you have to be 18 years or older to buy soemthing like that, but I would definitely talk to your daughter, if anything hopefully she's using that instead of going out with boys and having sex at such a young age. I know you don't want to embarrass her, so if anything don't have your husband around, I know that if I had that as a teenager and my mom and dad brought it up that would be horrifying, but when the dads not around, just go in her room with her and sit down calmly and say straight up front, I know you may be embarrassed by this but I would like to talk to you about this, and just discuss it like your on the same level rather than mom and daughter it might help the uncomfortable situation that you'll be in. GOOD LUCK
Don't do anything... what you found doesn't call for any action in my opinion. Masturbation is a natural act, in fact there isn't anything to be ashamed of although at there ages they may feel alot of embarrassment %26amp; may not feel confortable talking about it with out. Just be greatful that they aren't out doing it for real.
Wow, I sure do feel for you, what a shocker. I have a 13yr old daughter, and I don't know what I would do in your situation. We've had a lot of issues with her, just not that one. Firstly, I don't think any amount of embarrassment will only further isolate them from you, this is not what you want. Obviously they do not feel comfortable talking to you about this, or you them. I can't say it thrills me either to have sex talks with my kids, so you are not alone. But, you've GOT to find a way to open the lines of communication with them. If you do any forbidding, they will only get sneakier.
I think it might even help for you to talk to their school counselor or someone similar to help you know how to cope and for you to better approach the situation. You do not want to give your kids the feeling that any sex is dirty, or they are wrong to enjoy it later on in their lives.
This is too big of an issue to completely address in this type of forum, but I hope this helps. Just whatever you do, don' t be rash or too harsh, think it through and seek local peer advice.
Embarrassing or not, you need to talk with her. Who bought these things for her? You have to be over eighteen to go in the adult section of those stores. How does she even know about these items? Who bought the magazines for your son? You could start by limiting their access to much older young adults. Do they have unlimited access to the computer and TV? Perhaps that needs to be under your control. At this point it is harmless self pleasuring sex, but they seem awful young to be so interested in this. You surely don't want them moving on to sex with others. Have you talked about sex with your daughter and son as they have been growing up? It's time to talk about everything!
Um, discovering one's sexuality and all the feelings that come along with that....At the age of 13 to about 18, I would much rather my daughter have a ';little purple device'; than the real thing anyday! It's bound to happen eventually, and now you should start some real mature conversations about protection and smart choices and self-esteem. The same for your son... the more open and honest you are, without crossing parent-child detail lines, the better decisions they will make in the future. Remember, they ARE going to make mistakes and bad choices and you want them to be able to come to you if they do have a problem or need advice. Be strong and supportive and love unconditionally....you'll thank yourself when they are on their own and successful! :)
I have a 15 year old son and I do every now and again check his room. With drugs being so readily available nowadays I want to know what my son is up to at all times and if that is being overprotective then tough!!
I saw on his phone, a few months ago, a message to a girl that implied that he wanted s*x with her. I was totally shocked as he was my baby!! My husband had ';the talk'; with him and we bought him condoms, telling him that even though we did not want him going out and having s*x at his age, if he does, he needs protection and he should carry a condom with him. Both my husband and my son were very embarrassed but I am glad he knows that we know what he is capable of at his age.
Dont feel bad about snooping, but you just have to be so careful how you talk to your kids. You dont want to push them away so that they will never come to you with that kind of problem. I must admit, if I found a purple device in my teenage daughters drawers I would be shocked. I would probably just remove it from her room and not say anything!!
FOR STARTERS:
you are the parent...it is your home...whatever is in there (ANYWHERE) is your business!
don't allow yourself to think that you don't have a right to open their drawers and look...yes, even snoop.
tell both of your children that you will do this whenever you want, that ultimately you are responsible for what they have in their rooms and if they don't want you to find anything that they know you will not like, to find somewhere else to store it!
SECONDLY:
you get your daughter by her hand and take her into her room, open her 'knickers' drawer and ask her just what it is that she has in there.
tell her that you do not like the idea and that as long as she lives under your roof, she will comply with your rules.
THIRDLY:
you sit her down and you explain the facts of life to her...make it plain and simple...allow her to discuss what she wants to discuss and answer whatever she asks.
if you do not talk with her, you CAN wind up with a pregnant daughter, and you will be wishing you had taken this opportunity to talk with her.
FOURTH:
remember that teenagers are all about doing whatever they can do, but, they will hide 80-90% so their parents won't know...and they will provide whatever answers for their actions that they think will pacify their parents.
it should be more embarassing for her to have to chance you finding her treasures than having to answer to them being there
parenting is more about raising your child with YOUR morals than worrying over embarassing them
Maybe the both of you can sit down and just have a mother-daughter conversation, she is just exploring her body.
well first of all i think you should sit down and talk to her about having sex.. Then talk to her about the things that could happen to her if she is...now talk to her about the purple device, and if she says she is not having sex i would let her have it just to be safe. so you wouldn't have to worry about her being pregnant
well i am a teen and for me it will be very embarrassing if my mom caught me. So i would say just talk to her nice and dont get mad at her. Also dont question her to much.
You are doing everything completely wrong...
And your actions could have horredendous emotional damage on both.
Ie your son will have sever problems forming realtioships if you make him associate sex with feeling dirty etc.
Infact...
to show how dumb your thinking is...
HE WAS PRACTING WITH CONDOMS SO WHEN HE USES THEM FOR REAL WILL BE A WHOLE LOT LESS LIKLY TO MESS IT UP AND MAKE YOU A GRANNIE!!!!!!!!!
ALL TEEN BOYS WILL YOU KNOW WHAT MOST NIGHTS TO PORN TILL THEY FIND A GIRLFRIEND.
only thanks to you that will be a whiole lot harder.
little things you do will have a massive effect.
Likewise if you attack daughter over sex toy she may have trouble orgasming in any future relatioships inc marriage resulting in a poor life and divorce.
What you had was two perfectly normal kids who may be badly trumatised by your actions.
You bring up the toy embarassment... years of councelling more like.
Also sex toy no actual sex... makes sense huh?
your son and daugter are not schildren nor adults but growing up.]
Both have hormones, feelings and sex drives... stronger then any time in life.
your daughter WILL suck willy and do all the other things human females do with their partner. son will be a wan'''r and be facinated with female breasts.
Hopfully both will end up in positive loving retationships
And you job is tyo help it all occur as smoothly and safely as possible.
Think you really should rent out the 'American Pie' movie series and model self on 'jims Dad'
Basically your kids are growing up, its a wonderful thing. you need to grow up too as they are going to need you soooooooooooo much in dealing with all the pain and truma and excitment of realtioships and dangers of adult stuff they get involed with.
you job is to prepare them to experience life not hide them from it
I would say to her,
'we found something in your brother's room that we didnt approve of, and I hope there isnt anything in your room you should not have, because if there is, get rid of it'.
She is not too young to be exploring her sexuality, but i think she is too young to be using devices.
Dont let it bother you too much, they are both doing normal healthy things for their ages, try not to embarrass them about it, could make matters worse, especially at the age they are at.
Don't mention it. She'd be so embarrassed and it's not like it will stop her from using it (or something like it) anyway. I always say, ';People who snoop get what they deserve when they find something!'; Stop snooping - it's not good for any of you.
You need to talk.Dont worry about embarassment.
Itis likely that one of her friends gave her the ';device'; for a laugh. It might also be that she bought it herself via mail order. At 14 it may be more out of curiosity and for a laugh, rather than for purely sexual means. But even if it is there is no reason to worry.
Your daughter has a right to some privacy on this one i feel. By all means have the safe sex talk if you have not already, but don't bring up what you found. After all, i cant imagine you would ever sit your daughter down and ask her for an account of how she masturbates?
At 14 you should be building trust with your daughter, so that when she starts having sex she will be more likely to confide in you. If she worries that you are watching over everything she does, and disapproving (and believe me, confronting her with the offending vibrator saying ';whats this then??'; will convey dissaproval, no matter how you approach it!) Let her know that you are there and you will understand and not judge her on such matters. If you found anything that suggested she was sexually active with others, by all means confront her, but not for this. Its probably a lot more innocent than you think.
now come on mummy why woz you looking in my draws? dont lie or you will be grounded .....shocked ,talk to you daughter about birth control, its a teenage thing and has parents we have to guide them through this ...half adult half child ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,phew dont make a big thing of it and stop snooping and dont tell anyone unless its unorthadoxed in you religion ........remeber you woz 14 once ....lol lol now think about the shi. you put your parents to.....hee hee its your turn mum and dad to deal with me...you daughter ...good luck...mum and dad and hope you suceed in all you think iz rite lol lol
Your daughter is discovering her sexuality. Give her the sex talk, make sure you tell her that masturbation is a better choice than having sex if she feels the urge to please herself. It's way better for her to be masturbating then out getting an STD or pregnant. Don't let her know that you know though, because it would kill her. Just tell her you're giving her the same talk you gave her brother, just to make things even.
A 13 year-old with condoms.
A 14 year-old with a 'purple device.'
Woah. Have you had the 'talk' with both your children. They are young and should enjoy it. I'm speechless.
You have to confront your daughter immediately. Ask her how/why/where etc. If the details are etchy, go for her friends. Embarrass her. She has to learn.
it is very easy for u.
1st u checked on ur children at home
and checked their activities at outside the home
than tell it to ur doctor
he will give u proper advice
I don't understand , you went straight to your son , but you can't do the same to your daughter.
As if to say your son doesn't get embarassed by that stuff.
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