Everyday is a struggle, We can't even speak to each other without an argument. She takes my things and lies to me a lot. I have had enough and need some good advice from another single Mom. Thanks for any suggestions.I need advice for 2 teenagers who have 0 respect for Mom, dirty divorce 9 years ago, Can anyone help me?
sorry im not single or a mom but i want to try and help. i'm 16 years old and im really not one of those immature ones, i promise. i thought maybe another teenagers prospective might help. i have this cousin who, we're about the same age and we used to be best friends. her parents divorced when she was really little and now shes a mess. shes always lieing and sneaking her boyfriend around and whatnot. its really twisted n sad.
well anyway, id say dont be too strict, but be on the lookout for suspicious behavior. make sure you know what your daughter is doing/where she is at all times, but dont be unreasonable. if you think her friends are questionable, then be on the lookout. but if she really is a good kid and you know shes hanging out with the right people then give her some lee way. try and be a ';cool mom';, but not cool to the point where your giving her enough room to be able to sneak around.
i'd say about 75% of the kids in my grade either smoke or drink or do drugs (i dont). and i'm in a really good community. so even if you think your daugher would never do that, just be on the lookout. it always worries me when i hear of a friend or someone who used to be a friend gets into that.
be sweet. say things like ';do you want to go to the movies with your friends on friday. i could pick them up if you wanted to? ill pay';. let them go by themselves. give her some cash to get into to the movie, but not enough that she could abuse the $$. i'd say $10 is plenty. giving her the money and suggesting that she hangs out with friends shows that u want her to have fun and u dont want to restrict her. the money shows that youre cool and she should respect you. pay for her things ehre and tehre. a movie. a lunch outing. but never ever pay if you suspect the money is going elsewhere. but yeah, paying for these little things will let her know that you dont want to be too restricting. you want her to have fun. you want to get along with her.
then if you ever see ehr sad tell her you want to talk to her. tell her you want to know whats going on. ask her once or twice, but if she still doesnt want to tell you, tell her you want her to know youre always tehre for you.
oh, and one last thing, let her have a boyfriend if she asks or if you know or something. if he's an unruly guy or something, then obviously id say tell her no. i mean dont let her hang out with the wrong crowd. but if he seems like a decent kid, let her. and let her know youre going out. say something liek ';so how long have you two been dating'; or ';so are you going out with your boyfriend this weekend';. because, knowing from personal experience and from many of my friends and cousins, even if you dont approve and dont want them to date, they still will. you may think you know whats going on and tehres no wya shes getting it past you, but she it. believe me. she is. so tell her its ok. becfause when you tell her she cant, it will piss her off like no other and she'll tell her friends i dont know why my mom doesnt want me to have a life.
so overall, give her leeway. let her hang with her friends. dont be too strict. but at the same time, know where she is and whats going on and who she is hanging with. just dont be too strict if you know shes not diogn anything wrong. think about it before you get angry at her. think about if what shes doing has a engative outcome in someway. like the other day my girlfriends parents yelled at ehr because she locked her door when she was getting changed and she forgot to unlock it. they flipped out at her. thats unreasonable. so just make sure you know when to be strict, you know when to be tehre, and you know where she is and whats shes doing. it must be rough. hang in there. i hope this helpedI need advice for 2 teenagers who have 0 respect for Mom, dirty divorce 9 years ago, Can anyone help me?
It's really hard to say. Speaking as a child of divorce who ended up hating both of my parents for horrible things they did that affected me. Did you do cocaine, drink, party, disappear for weekends at a time, get us evicted from apartments, cash in savings bonds that were given to your children since birth and put them all up your nose? That's just Mom. Dad just took off and didn't work on purpose, leached off of women and worked under the table to avoid paying child support.
You did not state the details for reason's your children have no respect for you. As you can tell from above, there are just some things that the pain and hurt and anger of what a parent put you through during childhood...no matter how much they may want to let it go...can't. Even almost 20 years later.
Apparently u have neither been a good wife nor a good mother.
I realize that the divorce has complicated the situation somewhat. But you have to realize that most 16 year olds today act the same way you described your daughter. By no means am I disputed the fact that the divorce has caused her to have behavior problems. I have seen many kids play both parents because they are allowed to do so. But I just want you to be aware that the divorce doesn't make you unique. I have been married 22 years. I have a 20 year old and a 16 year old, and they both behave just as you described. Maybe it is just a stage they go through.
Most teenage girls don't get along with their mothers all that well! Things will be alot better in four more years, if you can make it that long! Give yourselves some space! Send her to summer camp! Send her to a boarding academy. If all else fails, put her in a foster home for a few months so you can take a break! Maybe then she'll get along better with you!
Call with any problem,Anytime:
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
Phone: 1-800-448-3000
Email: Hotline@girlsandboystown.org
give her a choice: shape up or ship out.
wait until she's 20, she'll come around
The apple does not fall from the tree - remember this old saying. I think I would take her to her dad with all her things and leave her there. Hard to have empathy and deal with someone who does not. Not your fault - just is. Since dad shares the same lack - let them go at each other.
i know its hard, but she is a teenager. maybe you should seek counseling or join a support group to help you deal with things. you sound like you could benefit from support from other people going through the same type of thing. she might think she isn't getting enough attention from you, or she might think it would be better living with dad because you are the authority figure that tries to keep her in line, and dad is a pushover. i don't know, you don't give those details, but talk to someone where you are. get support from people around you and good luck.
I wish i could reach through here and give you a hug! I am going through some of this right now with my kids. My 16yr old daughter blames me for leaving her dad and hs called me so many nasty names, i am surprised her tongue hasn't fallen out. We are slowly rebuilding our lives. The only advice i can give you is to tell her no matter what you will always love her and be there for her even if she doesn't think she wants you there. Do your best ot to talk aboout your ex in a negative way. My biggest piece of advice is you have to start getting on with your life too. You have to value yourself. I have just started dating again. It is scary but it is fun too. It also might help your daughter see you as a real person not jusdt her mom. I really believe that when they are older and can look at things from an adult perspective they will be more understanding and you can build again fromthere. Hang in there. Be strong. Know in your heart that your kids both love you more than even they know and will come around in the end.
I'm not a single mom but..... since your kids aren't that young anymore i'd say that they should realize it... i know that if my mom ever broke down i would realize it and get a reality check.... Have you tried telling her that your really struggling and how you feel? cuz if my mom was in the position that u are in i would really just want her to tell me the truth about how she feels... and about steeling ur stuff and things..... i think that you should just take a stand and really put her in her place (in a nice way ) because sometimes when my mom is realy tired and i do somthing bad then she might just let me go easier... but then the thing is i just do even worse things... now that i think about it its kinda because i want my mom to be a mom and set me limits. I think you should try a different therapist too because i'm just a kid but if i know anything then i'd know that a good therapist wouldn't just give up and say that your kids r already poisened they would try different approaches until it works... and if your daughter wants to live with her dad but the dad doesn't want her then y is she still trying? does she know her dad doesn't want to live with her
There must be a low cost clinic in your area...That therapist was of no help...she needs to tell you HOW TO COPE NOW%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;i am very sorry...check around..
I am very sorry about your situation. Please try to remember that teenagers already hate the world, and as a mom who feels terrible about the divorce being hard on them, you're a perfect target to take everything out on.
I think you need to realize, and you've even said so, that you're doing the best you can for your kids. One day, when the teenage hormones have toned down and they start to see things from an adult perspective, I'm sure they will realize the sacrifices you made for them to keep them healthy and happy. Please also remember that teenagers are teenagers and they aren't happy whether your marriage is together and strong or disapated and in ruins. Pray for them. Love them regardless.
As far as your daughter goes, reassure her that you love her, but you don't love what she's doing. Let her know that this is hard for you too. She may be feeling rejected because her brother got to go live with his dad, but she didn't. Just show love, love, love. I believe that they will come around...Not much comfort for now, I suppose, but I will continue to pray for you. Good luck
you say date?..that is not an option in your life.now..you need to focus on what is going on with your 16 year old daughters life! Nothing else...life sucks as a single parent! Your daughter needs to know you will be there for her.getting her lic. to drive a car..getting her into college..proms...she needs a mother that will make her life normal..
Your daughter reminds me of myself at 14. My mom was a single mom most of the time when I was growing up. It took us getting in a fight, me being arrested, and my mom not comming to get me when my jail time was up to really make me get it. I hope it doesn't go this far with your daughter. I see now everything I did and I regret it. We're like best friends now but I think back on it and wish that I knew then what I know now. I'm sure your daughter will too. If the stealing gets out of hand, do report her. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
If all else fails, at least hopefully you can think of this as an ';it could be worse'; situation. Good luck hun.
Show your own personal emotion in front of her, Cry in front of her.
Let her go live with dad. Start your life over, start dating again. When your kids come around someday and see what a jerk he is and figure out all the lies, they'll have a happy, stable mother to come back to. Good luck :)
sorry
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