Anyone out there ever been foster parents to a teenager? Any advice that could be helpful?

Was a foster parent for several years, and pretty successful. Here's some of what I learned. The child most likely has unresolved conflicts with people in the past. If the major offender was female it is best if the opposite sex person does the most direction giving. Most important is that the child would very likely have the same problems they have with you with anyone else in your position, so do not take anything personally. Some just need caring for. Steer away from being called Mom or Dad because this group likely has bad stuff associated with them thus those names, and if they do not then the child might feel you are horning into someone elses place. The STEP program which can be found in most book stores was the most helpful instruction manual I found, it is practical an easy read and the methods really work. If they have a counselor assigned try to get to know that person without asking about the sessions (confidential). Getting along with that person will help. The child may say they said this or that if they are arguing with you but they are probably telling you only half the story. Also some people go into counseling because they have problems so it is a good idea to watch and see what those might be and how they fit in. Being a good foster parent is as hard as it is rewarding, and the rewards flow out to us all when a job is well done--treasures in heavenAnyone out there ever been foster parents to a teenager? Any advice that could be helpful?
I havent been a parent but i was a foster kid...just be there for them cause we need it. don't be over loving tho cause we want our space ..also don't get extra mad if they don't call you mom or dad they will work up to it i'm sureAnyone out there ever been foster parents to a teenager? Any advice that could be helpful?
I wasn't a parent, I was a sibling...as in, my parents took in a foster kid. It was great, once he settled down a little. He was 15 and had been through a lot of crummy stuff in his life. It was weird at first, not knowing how to treat him as a brother or friend (he was older than me, and the same age as my older brother), but he ended up being just like an older brother. I think the biggest thing was acceptance, because he was convince the whole world hated him and would never love him. Even to today we stay in contact, and consider him a sibling.
Yes, i am a foster parent to a teenage boy, I really do not know what I could tell you that would be helpful, except to be patient, never yell,and try to make the time to listen to what they have to say.Remember, you put good in them, good will come out, even if you don't see it right then. Most important of all is, only you control your emotions, there is no such thing as saying he made me mad, or he made me sad, you chose to get mad or sad, only you have that kind of power over your emotions.
Yes. A teen age girl. The lady next door did as well. She had several in the amount of time she lived next to us. Everything aweful thing that woman did made me a better foster mom.


Here is a list of things she did that I made a mental note NOT to do as I saw it devastating these girls.





1. She would have a family dinner night and not include her foster child. This was a night where just she and her husband and daughter would go somewhere really nice and have a dinner and maybe go out for a movie later. The foster daughters were never invited and usually either thrown a cheap microwave pizza or if I knew about it they dined with our family.


(From this I learned that if you don't have it in you to have a family night with the Foster kid, don't have foster kids. If you need a night with your child one on one, you need to plan one with your foster child too. What they need most is to feel part of a family unit and to be loved and accepted.)





2. She was by her own admission in it for the money. She would buy her daughter little gifts all the time and nothing for the foster daughter. Even at Christmas, her foster daughter would get a dollar store stocking and her own daughter would get unnecessarily showered with gifts. I know this is not what Christmas is all about, but I am only illustrating the pain the foster daughter felt.


Her foster daughter got nothing for Easter and the daughter got a huge colored ceran wrap professional basket full of goodies.


Her foster daughter got the lead in a play at school and needed pink tights, but foster mom wouldn't get them for her because it wasn't in the budget. (these people had plenty of money). Now, in case you think I am taking the word of one foster kid, I am not. Almost all of them would end up at my house complaining about these same types of things over dinner with us or just visiting in the garden. Not to mention the fact that I was stocking shopping for our kids together one Christmas and I said something like ';Oh, you must be done with (Jane's) stocking, isn't all this stuff for (Suzie)? and she said she did Janes at the dollar store earlier. The stuff in the basket was enough to be any of my kids ONLY presants.


It isn't about the actual material goods for the kids...it is totally about being made to feel like a dirty dish rag/being thrown a bone.


(If you are thinking for one moment that the amount of money the government will give you will be enough to help raise and usually heal emotionally, a teen ager-- get out now. Much if not all of the money you make will be needed for the upbringing of that kid.)





3. There were different punishments for her own daughter than for the foster daughter.


(Now, if you are getting into this you already understand that discipline is a big deal. As far as what you can and can't do--But you and your husband or who ever else is in the family have to be on the same page. Lying has one type of punishment for ALL in the house hold. Not if Jane does it she can be grounded for a day that is convenient for her--such as after the weekend. But Suzie has to clean the whole house and is grounded for a week)





I guess what it really boiled down to for me is realizing that because they were not my birth kids and that I haven't known them for very long, does not mean they don't desperately want a stable environment. That and love and acceptance. I think if your whole household--kids included, decide before hand that you are out to make a positive difference in these kids lives, it will be a good experience for all of you.


Really, best said, take the foster off the front of family.


Sorry so long...spell check wouldn't even touch it (LOL)