My husband and I don't agree on what to do with our almost 17 year old son. He's a teen dad of a 4 month old but still very much acting like a kid. He also isn't doing well in high school and we are looking into alternatives. A big problem is that its causing strife between my husband and I. My husband wants to get him his GED and sign him into the military by the end of the summer (which you can do as long a they are 17). I'm trying to work with my son as much as I can and trying to keep peace with my husband. My son is constantly pushing and wants to act like a man when it suits his purpose and like a kid other times. It sounds crazy but I don't know what to do. Should I keep trying to work with my teen or side with my husband? Its tough and I'm really upset about the whole thing. Neither of them are thinking about me in the middle it seems like.Need a little advice about parenting a teenager...?
What a tough situation. 17 year old boys for the most part are not ready to be fathers. They are only just about ready to begin taking care of themselves, making more adult decisions. It is no surprise that he still wants/needs to act like a kid.
I have 3 boys ages 24, 21, and 15 with an 18 year old girl. None of them are completely out on their own yet. The 24 just returned from 5 years in the Navy. He needs to go to college now and work to support himself. It is a tough road no matter how you do it.
I just want to add my 2cents to Carmen's post. If he agrees military can be a good thing. The momma and baby may be lonely and need your help, but there will be an income to help them make it. On the other hand, carefully consider if the military is where this young man belongs.
1)Depending on the branch of the service, he really may be risking his life. 2)Lots of verbal abuse is heaped on our military recruits in an attempt to make them feel that the military is the only place that they will ever ';make it.'; This can be real emotional abuse. 3)Lots of drinking and drug problems start or get worse when young people join up. Our military is not as clean as idealists would have you believe.
Taking real responsibility for his child and his relationship seems to me to be the real goal. He must make this decision. He must be the one to decide his future. Insist that he do so. If not with you and his dad, then with a counselor or minister.
Impress on him the fact that, in essence, the decision to have sex 13+ months ago was his decision that he was an adult and he was ready to support a child and that child's mother. It is a decision that cannot be reversed. He must now live up to being the adult he is meant to be. He can be reminded that being grown up does not mean ';no fun';. It simply means fun times are tempered with lots of work and responsibility. It may have been an ignorance of the changes that would come, but it is still irreversible and he must do his best. You will support him as much as you can, but it must be his decision.Need a little advice about parenting a teenager...?
I am not a teen mother, but I don't agree with sending him in the military. He needs another lesson to try and teach him to be a better father. Truthfully, only time can do that. I would work with him until he graduates high school and then make it a point that its time for him to take care of himself and family. Good luck to your family!
It's time for your son to grow into a man, and your husband is the only one who can make him do that. So you need to back off and let him handle your son.
First you can not sign your son into the military without his consent. Even a GED will require his cooperation and consent. What does your son want? That is most important?
The person you need to side with is the 4 month old. Or the mother of said child if she's got her head screwed on straight. What's ';best'; for him doesn't matter anymore Grandma. He's lost that right. It's what's the best situation for his child now. If you have to beat that into him, then do, I'm sure that both the child and the mother of the child would thank you. When I was pregnant at 17 I was a senior, I had moved out to establish my own household before the baby was born, had a job, Daddy had a job, Daddy was attending college full-time, I was preparing for graduation and trying to get my stuff for college in the fall together, and was I managing as many aspects of all our lives as I could while being as big as a house and sick 24/7. Tell your son to be a man for once in his life and do what's right by his child. Too many guys get a walk when it comes to being a Dad that it's sickening to me. Anybody can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a Dad.
Sometimes the only way teenagers learn is the hard way. I'de suggest tough love. Maybe not the miliary though.
Neither. Sit him down and give him an ultimatum. He is now a young man and should act like it. He can act like it at home, where he will earn his GED within a set period of time (set by you and your husband) or he can move out. If he goes with option a) make sure that once he has his GED he pays rent to you guys.
The military thing sounds extreme to me... the guy needs to grow up, but he doesn't need to go into the military to do so.
You need to start working together.
That doesn't necessarily mean that his idea 'wins'.
But you two need to sit down and agree on a strategy .
Agreeing means: really mean it. Not giving in to his point of view because you're tired of arguments and he's too stubborn.
If you can't fix it yourself, get some help. This is not relational or psycho-help.
A professional third party takes no sides and can help you negotiate.
You really need one strategy, not two.
he needs to grow up but he is so young. I certainly wouldn't sign my son up to go to Iraq
I think the military sounds like a good idea for your son. But you can't just throw him in there with out his consent. If your son wants to go into the military he could use his pay to help support his child, and it would also help him grow up because there are big punishments for not behaving in the army and he would learn to shape up pretty quickly I think.
with your husband. dont let the kid play you.
I think that the army may be a great opportunity for your son to grow up and learn what it really means to be a man. Right now, he is a child and there is no way that he will be a responsible and loving father to his new child. Maybe the army will give him a new perspective on life and it could make him a better father and son.
Dont let that teen play you!...
I'm siding with your husband on this one. And the only reason you're in the middle is becuase you have CHOSEN to put yourself there so stop blaming your husband and your son.
I am 34 now but had a child when Iwas 17 I did not gradutate high school but did get a GED.I wish I had gotten that High school diploma.My son is now 17 and asks me about my high school years and I still am embarassed to tell him I didnt graduate I probably never will. It was rough on my mom as well as my husbands parents but they stepped back and let us learn from our own mistakes.If you force your child into the military and god forbid something happens to him you will never forgive yourself. As long as the child is being taken care of maybe it is time to let him learn on his own but be ther to help when he fails.
Let me say first off that I'm sorry you're going threw this...I have a little 6 month old little boy and I'm not looking forward to this part of him growing up...I agree with the GED part but not of the military...but then again I don't like were any military is going right now :)...He needs to learn that he's responsible for a little one now and he's going to have to put that baby first...I would tell him after he gets his GED that he needs to start thinking about his future and how he's going to raise the baby...whether it be him finding a job, going to college or both...That child comes before all else...even his own wants
if he does that, he wont see his child while hes in miltary school. i think he has a first priority to be a father that child
i say keep working with him and he needs to accept the responsibility of being a father too
Uhh this is hard... I'm a kid but my brother sounds pretty much alike... he's not doing very well at all... It might be hard but joining the military might be very good for your son. My brother may be depressed, didn't go to college, and is in his low twenties and living with his parents. There is nothing we can do because he is an adult, so my parents can't make him get help. I know that I am just a kid, but if he is on the same track as my brother, military school might be a good choice. good luck, I hope this helps somewhat!
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