Been there a hundred times!!! There is no good answer because every kid is diffrent. Here are a few things that helped with people I know and one or two that didn't make the situation go away for my daughter but helped a little making the everyday easier to deal with. Just remeber that; kids are tough but kids with mental disorders are very tough...they can't control every action the way others can. Second it's not always the parents fault - nature plays just as much of a role in personality traits as nurture does.
1. Professional Phyc help (meds and counceling works best for tough cases - just counceling for teen angst)
2. The reward - my friends son did very well on this. She created a point system for behavior through out the week. Good behavior earned a certian number of points while ';bad'; behavior lost them. At the end of the week points were tallied and her son could turn in predetermined vouchers for fun stuff (ex. going to movies voucher was worth 500 points - one candy bar voucher was worth 10). This system works great at any age beacuse you can customize the number of points and the vouchers to fit each kid and their interest - it's also something easily created at home with a marker and paper and they can chart their own progress. Just make sure to make vouchers rather than rely on whatever your kid wants to do in the moment (it'l save money and having to tell them no).
3. Kids with ADD, ADHD,and ODD don't do very well with anger or grounding so find other punishments. My daughter did well with the mac and cheese punishment when it came to throwing a fit over dinners (yes it sounds stupid but..)While breakfast and lunch where whatever I made dinner was mac and cheese for a month (just for her we ate whatever we wanted). Once or twice and I never had a dinner time problem again. The point isn't to use mac and cheese but find creative ways you can control to deal with the issues he presents.
4. Don't back down - sometimes it's easier to walk away or ignore the situation but that just gives them the catalyst to keep going. let them know in advance what you need from them, what the punishment will be, and most importantly that you are EVERYWHERE. Talk to their friends, friends parents, let them know you want to be notified of anything, call the school, etc. When they see you are in every aspect of their life they'll be less likely to do things they will get in trouble. My daughters friends are so afraid of me that they often stop anything from happening before it does so that I don't show up at their doorstep and their still welcome at mine.
5. Anger renactment - kids with issues tend to act their anger out in the moment. When my daughter was young I had her draw the angry pictures. First she drew a picture showing anger or just a mess, then one showing something happy. As she got older and into writing we moved into the angry letter. One letter full of whatever she wanted to write about in her mood (I wasn't allowed to read it so she could feel comfortable expressing what ever she felt) and then one showing her situation or feelings in a happy way. At then end she got to burn both. It didn't matter what she wrote or drew the point was to get her to take her rage to something safe and quiet but quickly following it with something good to remind her that anger is a moment not her whole life.
Don't forget to take time for you, whether it's talking to a friend, family, or shrink about whats going on. You'll feel better and then can effectivly find options that work for you. Good Luck - your not alone.Any advice on how to get through to a defiant teenager?
You have to help him find another way to vent his anger. There are things going on in his life that we don't always know about. Girlfriends, school and friends. Talk to him when he is not mad and find out what he is so angry about. Ask him if there is anything you can do to make things even a little bit better. He needs to find something to focus his energy. Ex: sports, other interests.
Give him one final chance to shape up. If he fails to do so, put him back in short trousers to remind him that all the times he acts like a little boy he will be made to look like one then give him the strapping of his lifetime with both strap and buckle of the belt.
just get personal help
there might be something bothering him alot
try to find out wat it is
Figure out why he is getting mad? Theres got to be a deeper issue here that he always reflects off of. Then when you find that out you can address the anger issue. When he is angry, he proably want to stay that way. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes people want to stay angry. You must find out where all this anger is coming from.
I agree with one of the answers that you should probably get professional help. I say this just to be sure that there are not deep psychological issues.
However, having raised two sons through their teens by myself... I sympathize. Most teens, especially boys, become defiant and are just plain angry most of the time. I kept telling my youngest when he was dying his hair black, dressing in black, staying out most of the night, skipping school... ';I know my son is in that body somewhere';. I always felt that the good behavior, values, morals, and respect that I taught them when they were younger would surface again when they made it through those ';dark years';. And it did! I have two wonderful sons who continually apologize for the way they acted when they were teens : )
My oldest does have a temper, like your son... but has learned to control it because it just isn't acceptable. I'm not sure how he deals with it, but he's not putting holes in walls like he did in his teens!
I heard a similar story as one of your answers... it says when your kid reaches puberty put them in one of those big wooden barrels, nail the top on and feed them through the knotholes. Then when they turn 16, seal up the knotholes! HA
You'll survive, and so will he! Good luck to you.
Put him in a box. Don't open it until he's out of his teens. Shove food through the cracks.
You need to seek professional help, not rely on answers from Yahoo members!
Here's a link to help you get started.
If you don't get professional help for this, it will only get worse and could lead to serious trouble for him and for you.
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